Artist formerly know as Session 38 Exit Sign Engma
by xenocide386
Summary: Chapter 5 is up! So read it you son of a your mamas baby's daddy! No wait thats not right...whatever.
1. Exit Sign Enigma

Cowboy Bebop Session 38 Exit Sign Enigma  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Cowboy Bebop. But my friend has the dvd box set. So there!  
  
One lovely evening on Ganymede, an unknown character walks through the shadows. A sign salesman closing up shop notices some movement. BAM! The sign salesman falls to the ground. But then he gets back up realizing that he had happened to be wearing a bulletproof vest. Now why does that always happen? Well, anyway, the sign salesman (will now be called Fred for various reasons unknown) ran to his shop to call the police. The stranger ran after him and shot randomly but still hit the vest. Then he realized, "Hey, what if I shoot him in the head?" BAM! And oddly enough, Fred randomly began wearing a chain mail coif (a type of hood made from tiny linked rings), which shielded him entirely. Very agitated the strange man pulls out a c4 grenade, sets the time, pulls the pin, and chucks it at the salesman. BOOOM...WHOOSH! For some strange reason the grenade had the properties of a nuclear warhead. Laying flat on his face the stranger stood up, brushed of his mutated parts and went inside the store.  
  
Back on the Bebop (though I haven't actually been there in this story yet) Spike was digging through the fridge for some food, in which they had a lack there of. So, to everyone except for Jet's dismay they had to land on the nearest civilized object, Ganymede.  
  
Fred yawned and went back into his shop, which in fact wasn't there anymore, but of course he noticed that, he had triocular vision. He could zoom in with his third eye. So nothing was left unseen. All of the sudden Fred noticed something. Something horrible. It was missing. The sign was missing. That sign was the Exit sign...to Hell! Muhahahahahahahaha.... He then realized who must have taken it. That stranger.  
  
The Bebop's entry was rough apparently there was some kind of storm, a hurricane or something like that. Everyone held on tight. "The things I do for food." sighed Spike. Upon arrival Jet went to meet his old police friend, who had recently died because of things unknown. Oooooeeeoooo.... Ed and Ein went wandering around, like they always do. Faye went with Spike to get the food.  
  
Jet left the police station in dismay as he learnt his friend had died. So he went looking for the killer. Little did he know that the killer had the Exit sign...to Hell! Combing the streets, Jet ran across a dog exactly like Ein only different. With nothing else to do he began following the dog around. "I wonder if I'll ever find him." He thought. Of course as soon as he thought that the guy himself jump out of the shadows and grabbed Jet. Jet elbowed him in the face with his metal arm. But unaffected due to his mutations, the man opened a door beside him using a strange sign in his hand, through Jet inside and closed the door. What lay behind the door?   
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
IF YOU REVIEW... 


	2. Exit Sign Enigma Part two

Disclaimer: I do not own Cowboy Bebop. But I do own several other unknown objects.  
  
Jet awoke, realizing he had been thrown in to a strange door by a very weak looking man, looked around and realized that it was very hot. He then noticed that he was on some desert road or something. So he began to walk. And he walked. And walked. And then he fell over. Got up. Looked down. And shot the stupid little rock he had tripped over. The ground shook. Jet looked about ten yards away and saw something. It looked like some sort of fault line. So he figured he was in California. And an earthquake was all that was happening. Then the "fault line" grew and not just grew, it grew toward Jet. So he began to run. And he ran. And ran. And then he fell over, into the "fault line". It started getting really hot as he was falling. And then he landed. On a gardening tool. Maybe a shovel or pitchfork. He got up and saw what no man should ever see.  
  
While all that is happening Spike and Faye arrive at a grocery type store. Spike walks in and is horrified. "What! No food!??!" yelled Spike as he walked up to the grocery man. He shook the man and asked where all the food was. Hanging lifelessly in Spikes hand, Spike shook his head. Every single store was "closed" except for Wendy's. Because you can eat great. Even late. So annoyed Spike went inside to get a triple classic with cheese. But sadly, due to lack of money because of no bounties he was only able to get a classic with cheese. And some fries. But not French fries. Nope, all American fries. Satisfied, they headed back for the Bebop.  
  
At the fire station, Ed had been playing with the fire extinguisher, and managed to get everything fire extinguisher foam-y. The fire fighters tried to catch her and Ein but she foamed them too.  
  
What jet saw was so horrific, so inexplicable that I won't tell you what it was. Just kidding it was a pony. A pink pony. So Jet just shot it. It shriveled up and changed into the being right under the devil himself, Capt. ColonelMcManpants. And his associate, Mr. Prettykitty. Muhahahahahaha.... So anyway, Jet just shot them, too. But they didn't die. Solely because I wouldn't let then. Mainly because I think there so cool. Then an epic battle begins. JET VS CAPT. COLONELMCMANPANTS & MR. PRETTYKITTY!!! BATTLE...BEGIN!!! (crazy Japanese game music.) Use your gun Jet! BAM! BAM! BAM! Capt. uses hellfire. Huya! FWOOSH! P.K. uses mega-meow. MEOW!!! Jet uses uzi. TATATATATATATATATA. P.K. falls over. Capt. is badly damaged. Capt. uses pitchfork. Jet dodges. Jet uses pistolwhip. SHA-WHAP! NOOOOO! JET WINS!!!  
  
At the police station, Ed sits quietly waiting to be put in her cell. A man walks though the door. The guy behind the desk tells the man he had a visitor. He takes Ed to her cell and locks it up. And for some reason the locked up Ein too. So Ed had Ein grab the keys and the quietly escaped, while in the process waking several people up.  
  
Will Jet be stuck in the abyss forever? Will Ed ever be quiet? Did Faye get any food? Find out next time on, Cowboy Bebop Session 38 Exit Sign Enigma.  
  
ï 


	3. Exit Sign Enigma Part 3:The final part o...

Disclaimer: I do not own Cowboy Bebop. But you don't either! HA!  
  
Spike and Faye had arrived at the Bebop and found Jet wasn't there. So they decided to look for him. Walking through the streets Spike and Faye saw a man that looked kind of like Jet. So the walked over to him, asked him his name and he said "Namess Rockwell." "Ok, never mind. We thought you were our fr- AHHH! It's an alien!" yelled Spike. "I'm not an alien!" shouted Rockwell. "I'm a bangaa!" "A bang-what?" Spike inquired. "A bangaa." replied Rockwell. "What the hell is that?" sigh "A bangaa is a race from certain Final Fantasy games such as; Final Fantasy Tactics Advance. I get that all the time" "Oh" said Spike. "Ok, whatever. I gotta go now" "Ssee 'ya" (As you may have guessed, this has nothing to do with the story. Or does it?...muhahahaha)  
  
Jet had just climbed out of the abyss and was back on the desert road. It had gotten dark. Up ahead in the distance he saw a shimmering light. His head grew heavy and his sight grew dim. He had to stop for the night. He found a motel. It was the Motel California. (This portion will only be funny to some viewers.) Some dude was standing in the door. He began burning a medieval torch and led Jet to his room. Jet heard some strange voices down the hall as he was walking to his room. He though he heard them state, "Welcome to the Motel California, such an ugly place, such an ugly place... such an ugly face. Prepare a room at the Motel California. Any time of 364 1/4 days, any time of 364 1/4 day... you can locate this facility here. The dude's mind is definitely swirly. He's got the Chevy Corvette. He's got a lotta pretty pretty boys, he calls friends. They made Jet dance in the backyard. It was hot so it made him sweat. Some dance to remember, he danced because they made him. So he called up room service. "Please bring me some beer!" he said, "We haven't had that alcoholic beverage here since 1364." And still those strange voices were calling from somewhere. Wake you up in the middle of the day, just to here them say, "Welcome to the Motel California, such an ugly place, such an ugly place... such an ugly face. We're livin' it up at the Motel California, what a nice surprise, what a nice surprise... when you lubalie. Mirrors on the floor. Medium diet coke on ice. And the dude said we are all just prisoners here, of a strange device. And in the master's chambers, were gathered for a small meal. They stab it with their plastic forks, but they just cant kill the beast. The last thing he remembered, he was running for the exit. He had to find the route back to the place he was before. "Lighten up" said the doorman. The device programmed us to receive. "You can leave anytime you like, but you can never check out! (Guitar solo) (That also has nothing to do with the story. Or does it?...muhahahaha)  
  
Ed was walking down the street and all of the sudden a guitar flew at her at a high speed. BAM! "........!!!" The guitar had hit her right in the vocal cords. She began trying to yell various phrases. None of which are what you may think I mean. With the neck of the guitar impaled through her neck, Ed ran to the hospital very slowly.  
  
Spike and Faye gave up and went back to the Bebop. Upon arrival they heard a special news report about an insane guitar-slinging maniac. But that had nothing to do with them right? Faye then ran to the bathroom and threw up because of all the food she had eaten. Spike took out his fancy flamethrower cigarette lighter and lit a cig. And half of his face. And then proceeded to go to sleep on the couch, with the cigarette still in use.  
THE END ï 


	4. Session 39 Guitar Maniac Blues

Cowboy Bebop Session 39

Guitar Maniac Blues

Disclaimer: I do not own Cowboy Bebop. But I stayed up real late and watched it one time.

Jet looked out of the door. Thinking over what the doorman had said, he decided to leave. But of course he was back on the highway. He saw a car that said "Rental. $20 a night." So he threw 20 bucks on the ground beside the car and drove off. He noticed the car looked very strange. It had a large engine in the back and numerous little flickering switches and dials. So he flipped one of the switches. The motor revved loudly and the car started going really fast. It was going so fast that the tires were beginning to burn and stick to the road. Then Jet went back. Back to the Future.

Ed was at the hospital awaiting surgery. The surgeon came in, greeted Ed, and began to surgically remove the guitar. It then turned into the classic dentist effect.

"So how 'ya been doin' Ed?" "..." "Good, Good." ect. ect. Eventually the guitar was removed, but not without serious annoyance from the dentist effect. Now Ed was handed one of those electric voice boxes. She was shown how to work it and sent on her way. She was very sad, but she knew that at least she could talk in some way. And for that she was grateful.

Spike awoke realizing he had burned the couch. He was very sad, but he sat in the chair anyway. He turned on the TV. "Eh, amigos!" "This guy's got a bounty of a whopping $60,000,000,000!" "Huh?" questioned Spike. "That's right, that's the guitar-slinging maniac, by the name of Steve." "Watch out. I heard he impaled a little girl through the neck." Spike turned of the TV. He walked over to Faye. "I found us a bounty." He said.

The car skidded to a halt. Jet got out and looked around. He saw a desert highway, and a motel on the side. It all looked the same as before. Except for the motel. It was rundown and dilapidated and smelled of burnt swiss cheese. He got back in the car and drove to the nearest town. Without pressing any buttons.

Ed was walking home to the Bebop when suddenly she ran into Spike and

Faye. "Ed where've you been?" questioned Faye. Ed put the electric voice box to her thought. "Ed is sorry, but Ed was impaled with a guitar by a guitar-slinging maniac."

"Ed, your voice sounds funny," said Spike. "Wait. I think I remember hearing about that guitar dude." "Whatever! Lets just find that bounty," said Faye.

The town was deserted. Jet searched the town, but could find no one. He did find a cat though. He named the cat Bob. So Jet and Bob traveled around the world in 80 days in search of intelligent life. They found me but apparently I wasn't classified as "intelligent life."

Tune in next time for Cowboy Bebop Session 39. See you, Space Cowboy.


	5. Session 40 HonkyTonk Hand Grenade

Cowboy Bebop Session 40

Honky-Tonk Hand Grenade

Disclaimer: I do not own Cowboy Bebop. But with all due respect I wish you would mind your own business, and stop asking me!

Steve the guitar-slinging maniac's life was quite controversial. Without the upper left portion of his brain, not to mention his lack of kneecaps, Steve was pretty down. A long time ago, before Steve became interested in the guitar-slinging business, he was a circus performer. With no kneecaps he could bend his legs up and scratch his head, but he couldn't do it as well with his right leg. One day Steve was practicing in his "dressing room," the classic closet with "dressing room" written in permanent marker on the door. When suddenly it burst open.

"Steve. Your fired!" said the ringmaster in a Donald Trump voice.

"But why!??!" demanded Steve. Infuriated by the fact that he had served this circus for all his life, he stormed up to the ringmaster on upward-bent knees.

"For the possession of illegal immigrants."

"...How did you find out!??!"

"All the bean enchilada wrappers from Taco Bell were a dead give away." "I know you're beantose intolerant!"

Gasp

It all went level ground from there. Steve packed up his belongings and walked to his apartment. Along the way he ran into someone, someone who would turn out to be the love of his life.

"Hi, I'm Harriet Handgrenade." Said a stout WW2 type grenade, which somehow possessed the ability to speak. Of course this was all in Steve's mind, but it's funny anyway.

Speechless at the rustic beauty of this inanimate object, Steve told "her" to come down to his place and have dinner. Once they got to the apartment, Steve remembered he didn't have an apartment. So he went to his box and wrote "123" on the front to act as a room number. He hoped Harriet wouldn't notice, but how could she? She was colorblind. Inside the "apartment" Steve offered to remove Harriet's coat. Unknowingly, he pulled out the pin. With a few harsh words and a swift explosion, Harriet was out the roof, and gone forever. Without thinking, he slung his $200,000 green Christmas tree guitar out of his box, narrowly missing Harriet's distant cousin, Sir Lawrence Lightpost. He then discovered the joy of randomly slinging guitars at people for no good reason.

At that point, Steve the guitar-slinging maniac earned his title. That was his title before, but no one really knew why. He sticks to the shadows and if you ever get a glance at him, soon you'll have a semi-expensive guitar lodged somewhere in your body's general vicinity. He is a pretty bad aim; so if he does manage to hit a vital organ then feel sorry for yourself because it wasn't your lucky day.

"Lotsa de pizza, baby."

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That was a very special episode of Cowboy Bebop. Focused entirely on the life of Steve the guitar-slinging maniac. I hope you enjoyed it! 'Cause if you didn't...

Nick


End file.
